oh-wow-i-have-nice-cheekbones:
When your girlfriend has a normal sleep schedule but you’re a gremlin and you’re up at 3:00 A.M. and you want to talk to her but she’s asleep so you can’t.
gf bread: *is gluten free*
my absolute idiot brain: [softly] girlfriend bread 💖👩❤️💋👩🍞💖
[STRIKES MY WIZARD STAFF ON THE GROUND AND IMMEDEATELY DUCKS BEHIND A ROCK]
[THERES A FLASH OF LIGHT AND THE RITUAL CHAMBER IS COVERED IN SPAGHETTI]
[I OPEN MY GRIMOIRE AND MAKE ANOTHER TALLY UNDER THE COLUMN LABELLED “SPAGHETTI”]
[THE OTHER COLUMN IS MARKED “SUMERIAN HARVEST GOD” AND IS COMPLETELY BLANK]